Visiting London!

Forgive me if this post ends up looking a bit funny... I am using my phone (laptop is turning 5 and is at that awkward stage where if u move the wire in any way it disconnects) so I didn't bring it!

So i'm back in London! I love it! Ironically as I was heading towards the heathrow arrivals area I was thinking my goodness people walk so fast, which immediately made me realise that when I was arriving at Khatroum I was irritated by the slow pace of people...

The first couple of days here were amazing, first of all, everything is so readily available - every and anything! And unbelievablely, the price of shopping here is cheaper than in Sudan! I am very grateful for things I never even noticed before like electricty, water, no insects and people who don't ask invasive questions!

It's funny how the most incredulous rodent here is a pigeon... which by the way if you have never visited Marble arch you should NEVER feed... seriously they will attack you for more.

But sadly, lots of my friends have had enough of London - they feel like its too expensive and socially cruel and uncaring... could they really be craving the invasive attitudes that I've been suffering from since my arrival in khartoum last year? I know that sometimes having a bad day in London can feel really awful, but surely it can't be worse than sitting in a house in a country where the weather is 30 degrees in the evening waiting for the electricity and water to come back, meanwhile dealing with the relentless mosquitos and remembering you have work the next day....

When I think back, it actually seems like the attitudes of people in sudan are much happier than those is the uk - even though the lifestyle over there is so much more difficult,  you find that you are surrounded by family and family obligations and rules and boundaries and somehow, you don't have the time to dwell on negative emotions.

Its interesting to me because as someone who is both Sudanese and British  I feel like its time I took a step back and really consider these new thoughts. 

Blogger Works?

I can't believe blogger is still here after all those warnings that it would shut down in July....

I have so much to say, but firstly I will start off by saying that I completely failed at understanding tumblr... or twitter.

Second, I've learned that keeping something/someone you don't want because 'so many other people would bend over backwards for it/them' is a very good way to make yourself miserable.

And thirdly, being trapped in a job that you hate because the money is good is also soul draining.

I think you've probably guessed by now that the discoveries I made, I did so after leaving work.

As I'm in Sudan everyone decided to get involved and ask me a thousand and one questions about why, how silly I am being, how I will never find a job that pays like that again, how the depression will kick in after I'm broke, how I will never meet a husband now and the list is endless... Also they do it every time they see me which is starting to make me not want to visit anyone... (I know they mean well but sometimes it just gets too much)

Anyhow, I completely understand that being broke does make you depressed... but I believe that if you are prepared for something, no matter how bad things get knowing that this was your choice protects you from feelings of regret and anxiety. Also, I quit my job to launch a career, not to lounge around and do nothing.

So while that simmers lets talk about life.

I keep thinking about beans on toast, friendly dogs, people smiling at me, I even miss the bloody rain. I miss the way I used to get angry with spellchecker for highlighting the word 'colour' because I spell it with a 'u', I miss trees and greenery... I miss the way of life. I miss my friends and most... I just miss feeling at home.

But the sad thing that I've come to learn is that if I ever dare call England home in Sudan people laugh. In England, the term British includes both English and non-English people as one nation. In Sudan, White means British, - So a Russian born and raised in Russia who has nothing to do with England can be accepted as British but anyone with a hint of colour cannot be.

I found this really stupid. So they came to me with the theory of 'you can't be something you don't look like' but if that theory were correct I could be many things - Brazilian, Ethiopian, Somali, Dark skinned mixed race, Egyptian, Moroccan - and I'm just naming a few of the nationalities people have approached me with.

Also I look in no way Turkish - but my mothers grandmother was.

This topic upsets me, I just think its really silly to put racial boundaries between people.

On a positive note! yesterday I took my hideous gold dress to the drycleaners and it came back half gold half silver... but it looks so much better now haha :)