During my final year of studying at university I conducted
research on women’s health and beauty norms.
The research overlapped with eating disorders and along with most
people, I thought these were mental health problems caused by the desire to
look ‘thin’. I was informed that nearly exclusively, all the women who suffered
from eating disorders (including the late princess Diana who suffered from
bulimia) shared one desire.
The desire for control over their lives. I was just as
shocked later on in my life when I discovered rape was a crime of power and not
lust.
An
article published on the Telegraph (UK) by the writer Nisha Lilia Diu gripped
me. She spoke about rape, from the perspective of a remorseful former rapist. I highly recommend you read this article - I
will link it below.
Is
there really such thing as a remorseful rapist? As societies we often struggle
with this topic, blaming the woman has been a very long tradition in most countries
in the world and as much as we know rape is the fault of the rapist and only
the rapist we struggle even in the most progressive societies to come up with a
solution.
In the
west we are so adamant to steer away from previous beliefs about it being the
fault of the victim that we steer in the opposite direction and completely fail
to humanize a rapist, out of fear of returning to ‘backward’ thinking. Although
returning to old thinking about the victim being to blame would be an immense
move in the wrong direction, not thinking about or throwing rapists in prison
and releasing them after 18 months usually does nothing to the rapist except
prevent them from offending for 18 months – They go back to it upon release, in
most cases.
The
article revealed some interesting findings; just by speaking to a former rapist
we can begin to understand that rape, unlike many other crimes is committed
across occupations and socio-economic class. It is a crime of power and not
‘about what she was wearing’ but more, how vulnerable she was. By neglecting the real reason rape occurs we have marginalized other groups who are susceptible to being raped such as young boys, the disabled and the vulnerable. Rapists often
come from a history of sexual assault during childhood but perhaps the most
shocking thing to me was that it has been linked to witnessing violence towards
women… domestic violence.
The
ex rapist whom the article refers to with the pseudonym ‘John’ revealed some
very deep and thought provoking information. In his case, stress was a majorly
contributing factor to when he was likely to rape, he felt no guilt at the time
and believes the cycle began early, when he was just 15 years old. He
experienced sexual abuse as a child and perhaps from this we can deduct where
the need for power comes from – the rejection of being a victim.
During
his prison sentence John received therapy in the form of ‘Sex offender treatment programs’ (SOTP), which surprisingly helped him realize the impact of his
crimes.
It wasn’t
his stay in prison that helped him, it was the therapy.
Although
John struggles to trust himself, he understands that the world sees him as a
monster – a very strong motive to want to return to prison. After reading the full article I began to
understand rape in a different way. The victim is left broken, abused and
mortified. The rapist doesn’t usually care enough to remember her. They are
thinking in a completely different way – there is nothing you can wear or do to
stop a rapist from raping you if they are ever given the chance to.
But as a
society, we have been so fixated on advising women on how to ‘not get raped’
instead of dealing in a sufficient manor with those doing the raping. This is a
cycle, sexual abuse coupled with neglect and early childhood trauma – no one is
born a rapist.
Before
anyone develops a sense of nostalgia towards rapists I would like to remind them
that during the time of the rape, rapists are nothing less than mindless
monsters – the childhood traumas are not an excuse, they are a suggested reason,
and reason will help us figure out how to deal with it, and hopefully prevent
it all together. Throwing rapists in prison doesn’t stop them from re-offending
when they get out, and sadly, only those whose sentences are over three years
will have access to (SOTP).
In order
to stop rape from happening, we need to first learn the motive – only then can
we start prevention.
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