N***er... it's only racist when white people say it...

This topic has been on my mind a lot...

It started when I was 14, back in secondary school (that's high school if your an American) and a lovely friend of mine, her name was Amy, asked if I could call after Kelly.

I didn't know who Kelly was, I knew she was in that circle of about 4-5 girls over by the bike shed because that's where Amy was vaguely pointing at with her facial features.

'Which one is Kelly?' I asked

'Umm... the one near the end'

'Can you describe her to me?'

'She's the one with short curly hair!'

'That leaves 3 girls.. I'm not sure which one you mean Amy!'

Poor Amy was in agony, there was very little for her to work with because all the girls wore the same school uniform and wore their hair down that day... I could see it in her face, she kept looking at me pleading that I would just know which one was Kelly without her having to racially segregate...

'The Black one', shouted out my best childhood friend, who had no problem describing people by their skin tones.

For a moment I was relieved that I could finally identify Kelly... but when I turned back to see Amy's face, she had flashed bright red at the sound of the word 'Black'. - She also frowned at my best friend (who is also white) as if to say 'You can't say that!!'

I needed a moment to process this.  There is 0% chance that Amy was racist... So why does she feel uncomfortable calling someone 'black', but is fine to call someone 'white'...?

Is she afraid of backlash? or does she inherently think that being 'black' is a bad thing? Whatever the reason, Amy was uncomfortable labeling someone racially with something that she was not. This was confusing for me as when I described someone as 'white' she was perfectly OK with it.

When we think back to racist America, it was all about segregation. Blacks here, Whites there - no mixing. The term N***er described a derogatory occupation, whereby the blacks had no choice but to have a white 'master'.

Now, this occupation has been outlawed, it is impossible for a white person to claim superiority over a black person in any way by law - whether it be socially, politically, scientifically etc

The N word has no meaning. It depicts the past, it cannot in any way shape or form have any power to return back the old ways - no matter how much a white person says the N word, they will NEVER be able to enslave a black person.

So why is it OK in society for a black person to say the word, and not for a white person to?

This in itself is where racism is rooted. Think about it this way. In comedy, you can punch up, but not down.
Why?

Because if you ridicule someone for having a PHD, when you have a Bsc, society knows that the PHD holder is actually more educated than the Bsc holder.

Whereas if  that same Bsc holder disses someone who never went to university - we have a problem.

So does allowing blacks to, and banning whites from saying the word N***er affirm white peoples superiority over blacks?

Or should the term just be banned all together??

How to Deal with nonconstructive Critics

There are certain people who will make it their life’s quest to put you down. Some of them will do this unintentionally because they believe deep down that you are indestructible… It’s kind of like the people who used to bully Amanda Todd; the young Canadian girl who was so affected by bullying that she ended up taking her own life after documenting it on scratch cards on YouTube. 

The same people who used to bully her were flooding in the ‘we will miss you’ ‘you were such a great person’ comments.

Why?

Because only then had they realized the impact of their words.

So why bully her in the first place?

They were being mean because they were probably bored or they had their own issues and saw targeting her as a venting mechanism… but they genuinely didn't realize their words would affect the young girl so much – they also failed to note that they were doing it in mass numbers. It’s often the case that people only see things from their own perspectives – I am not justifying this, merely explaining.

This is the backlash behind being ‘strong’ or not showing when things get to you. People often try to push you until you crack, some out of pure hatred, and others, out of pure boredom because they have a genuine belief that your threshold will never crack.

As someone who has often been on the receiving end of great criticism, I will tell you this, the person I dislike the most is not the one who hates me… it’s the one who tells me that so and so hates me. I have dealt with many types of people in life and work and this particular person seems to be the one who always ruins relationships and causes tensions between people.

When dealing with critics it is important to remember a few things.

1.      If you weren't sought after, they wouldn't bother with you

2.      When someone criticizes you, (and it is not advice) they immediately put you above them or see you as a threat

3.      If you let this get to you, they have accomplished what they wanted to do, which is to get rid of you as a threat, and therefore make you bad at whatever you are shining at.

I think that the best way to deal with this type of thing is to remember that you are threatening to this person and unless they are just evil, they are probably venting from their own problems onto you because you appear to have something they crave – strength. If you keep this in mind, they will never get to you because you will always be self-assured. This means that you will never take anything they say seriously, and therefore it can never get to you. It's kind of like when a child says 'You're Ugly!' what they really mean is, I feel so frustrated with you and I want you to feel it too!!

Never get emotionally involved with anyone you do not fully know because that would be you handing them a whole load of power over you - power to make you happy, as well as sad.