Social Media doesn't make us 'Anti-social'

The other day I was sitting at a hospital waiting room when I realized that I'd forgotten my phone.

It was time to face reality...

I could not pretend to be busy today.

I had to find something to look at without looking awkward...

I tried the ceiling, floors, the doors any lifeless object I could see but I found that looking at it for longer than a couple of minutes was extremely difficult - and people passing by those objects thought I was staring at them which made them look at me which then resulted in me looking back at them and confirming that I was in fact staring at them. (Even though I totally wasn't)

The problem with looking at someone is that it immediately makes one of you suspicious. You get the 'Why are you looking at me' stare-back (you are suspicious) or the 'Oh my god am I doing something wrong' stare back (they feel suspected)

I decided to do the only thing possible for me to avoid looking at anyone or anything - I got up, bought some coffee and drank and looked at my cup.

And then it hit me, if I had my phone, what would I be doing?

Probably one of these:

Instagram - looking at photos that mean something to people (90% of which depict their lives)
Facebook - looking at photos that mean something to people I knew (90% of which depict their lives)
Google+ - Reading stranger's ideas and making conversations
Twitter - Absorbing news/opinions of complete strangers
LinkedIn - Looking for creative talents who are where I want to be in life and reading about them

So I'm perfectly happy to look at strangers and their work, opinions even photos online... But when it's in real life, somehow it's strange and weird? The truth is many of us are like this.

But why is this? The other day a friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his. You see, this friend of his knew exactly who I was, I had received a notification from Linkedin that she had viewed my profile (therefore saw a photo of me and knows what I do) - the friend who introduced us had also previously told me that she had commented on my appearance once because I resembled a friend that she used to have.

Yet, during our 'formal introduction' she acted so surprised - as if she had never before set eyes on me. She smiled and greeted me warmly and although she knew exactly who I was before; it wasn't until this meeting that now there has become a social obligation for us to greet each other the next time we met.

That is the key difference between social media socializing and real life socializing.

In social media, if you both see each other, there are many factors that make you unlikely to greet each other - such as one of you might look up the other at 10am and the other starts looking at 6pm - or on a different day, or never.

Which means that neither of you is sure that the other is aware of you. Whereas in real life, you know if someone saw you and smiled or not.

There are many times when a group of people would be sitting together and suddenly they all fall silent and turn to their phones - I think this is because social media allows us to select exactly who we would like to socialize with at any given point. We are no longer obliged to talk to the person who is there - we can choose from a much wider spectrum of people, even those who are in different countries.

I would say that social media simply doesn't make us anti-social, it makes us selectively social which by all means reduces our social etiquette, not our social skills.

Hospital Visits and 'Lom' Culture

When I was younger I used to really love being sick.

It was the best thing that could possibly happen because it meant no school, no homework, never being punished for doing anything wrong and also - everyone had to be nice to me, especially my siblings.

My mother used to glare at anyone who came near me or did something that may potentially stress me out or upset me (even if it was my sister asking for her hairbrush back which I had taken without asking) To my mother, this simply was not the time for that and my sister was being selfish.

(Score!)

Also, my father would shower me with sweets and anything I asked for...

It's no wonder being sick as a child was always perceived by us as 'something really good' I remember actively staying next to my brother for a couple of days to catch his chest infection so that I too could enjoy the royal treatment. I even asked him to cough in my face a couple of times!

But the more I grow the more serious sickness becomes. As children any serious sickness in the family was probably concealed by my parents so that  we wouldn't be affected by it. But now, sickness visits friends, family and very close loved ones and to say it shakes your core is an understatement.

The other day I was in a hospital visiting someone - in Sudan it is a social obligation to visit someone if they are sick, when they get better, if they got married, have a son/daughter who got married, had a baby (the list is endless) and not doing so can result in the ending of friendships or even worse, family divisions due to a concept known as 'Lom' which translates to 'To Blame'.

Incorporating a visiting system within the culture although thoughtful and sweet (when done out of intention and not obligation) is extremely exhausting for the recovering patient who sees (and must greet) almost 100 people in the space of 3 hours. The patient needs to rest, however some visitors have driven for as long as four hours just to see the patient, and therefore it is considered ill mannered not to greet them.

If the visitor does not visit, they are perceived negatively by the society, and if the patient gets too many visitors it can be a threat to their recovery as it drastically reduces their sleep time.

So technically it's a lose-lose situation!

Is it possible for a middle ground to be met here? Will highlighting that neither side is happy cause a social revolution?

I think it's worth a try...