Interestingly enough I decided to become a better listener.
I read an article about the importance of listening and how most of us only 'listen' to hear when the person we are communicating with will stop talking so that we may speak. The article explained that this is not listening, and actually, listening is a skill - some people are born with it while others need to learn it.
Although I had come across this idea before, something in the way that this article was worded got through to me - so I decided to learn how to listen.
I learned that listening includes but isn't limited to audio hearing - it includes watching, thinking and analyzing and most importantly, it involves never giving your opinion as this may mislead the speakers trail of thought.
Thanks to my new skill I have come up with a new theory about Sudanese culture - The Good Girl Complex.
I have grown fascinated by the deep rooted misogyny of this culture and their use of religious text to enforce it. My greatest challenge to date has been accepting that the misogyny is not only preached and practiced by men (which although unfair would seem rational) It's the very fact that women seem to enforce it too - even though this goes against their benefit. You would think that they would be wise enough to realize that at the very root of their practices lies the reinforcement of a system that will never approve their rights to freedom - the same rights boasted by men in the very same culture... However after careful consideration and some 'listening', I realized my own ethnocentric bias... these women may be through my eyes unaware and limited, but through their own they are happy and content.
In this culture roles are very important, men have a role and women have a role and these become more apparent as children become teenagers. Females are expected to participate in chores and give drinks and tea to guests whereas males are expected to drive, grocery shop and carry luggage or even leave their rooms to sleep on the floor in a random part of the house if a guest is over.
This distribution leans towards making men protectors and women protected - and the bias comes to play when exploring other aspects of human behavior such as the need for curiosity. When young, children are allowed to play freely, but the older they get the more restrictive the culture becomes for women and the more open it is for men.
A typical good girl in Sudan would abstain from smoking cigarettes, shisha, taking drugs, drinking alcohol or having extramarital activities. If she is ever caught participating in any of these (particularly the latter) she is very likely to be ostracized from her community and her family however a boy can enjoy these freedoms as long as he keeps it secret, and even if the secret is exposed, if he simply decides to 'change' or 'grow up' he is accepted no doubt. The reasons for this are still unclear to me however the 'good girl complex' is a school of thought that reinforces this ideology.
Although there are many girls and women who abstain from all of the things listed above, unless they live under a rock, they know what these things are or they know their effect or consequences - yet the culture demands they pretend that they don't.
When a conversation came up about the effects of alcohol the other day from a Sudanese male who drinks and was complaining from a hangover, a female immediately pretended she did not know anything about alcohol or it's effects or even what a hangover was. He immediately branded her a good girl and she followed through with the innocent act.
I stayed very quiet, knowing very well that this particular girl's father was a heavy drinker and she knew very well what a hangover was. I also know that she has never drank in her life and so was curious why she would take such a stance when she has nothing to feel guilty about...
And then it hit me - the fact that she needs to pretend that she doesn't know anything, reinforces the idea that women need to be 'protected' from curiosity. The outcome of women becoming curious is unknown in this culture and therefore the culture collectively fears it.
The men in this culture are under a delusion that women only abstain from things if they are completely unaware of them and therefore they restrict female curiosity from very early on in life - women understand this and feed it by pretending they don't know, to reassure the man - and so we have 'The Good Girl Complex'
It's interesting to say the least.
I read an article about the importance of listening and how most of us only 'listen' to hear when the person we are communicating with will stop talking so that we may speak. The article explained that this is not listening, and actually, listening is a skill - some people are born with it while others need to learn it.
Although I had come across this idea before, something in the way that this article was worded got through to me - so I decided to learn how to listen.
I learned that listening includes but isn't limited to audio hearing - it includes watching, thinking and analyzing and most importantly, it involves never giving your opinion as this may mislead the speakers trail of thought.
Thanks to my new skill I have come up with a new theory about Sudanese culture - The Good Girl Complex.
I have grown fascinated by the deep rooted misogyny of this culture and their use of religious text to enforce it. My greatest challenge to date has been accepting that the misogyny is not only preached and practiced by men (which although unfair would seem rational) It's the very fact that women seem to enforce it too - even though this goes against their benefit. You would think that they would be wise enough to realize that at the very root of their practices lies the reinforcement of a system that will never approve their rights to freedom - the same rights boasted by men in the very same culture... However after careful consideration and some 'listening', I realized my own ethnocentric bias... these women may be through my eyes unaware and limited, but through their own they are happy and content.
In this culture roles are very important, men have a role and women have a role and these become more apparent as children become teenagers. Females are expected to participate in chores and give drinks and tea to guests whereas males are expected to drive, grocery shop and carry luggage or even leave their rooms to sleep on the floor in a random part of the house if a guest is over.
This distribution leans towards making men protectors and women protected - and the bias comes to play when exploring other aspects of human behavior such as the need for curiosity. When young, children are allowed to play freely, but the older they get the more restrictive the culture becomes for women and the more open it is for men.
A typical good girl in Sudan would abstain from smoking cigarettes, shisha, taking drugs, drinking alcohol or having extramarital activities. If she is ever caught participating in any of these (particularly the latter) she is very likely to be ostracized from her community and her family however a boy can enjoy these freedoms as long as he keeps it secret, and even if the secret is exposed, if he simply decides to 'change' or 'grow up' he is accepted no doubt. The reasons for this are still unclear to me however the 'good girl complex' is a school of thought that reinforces this ideology.
Although there are many girls and women who abstain from all of the things listed above, unless they live under a rock, they know what these things are or they know their effect or consequences - yet the culture demands they pretend that they don't.
When a conversation came up about the effects of alcohol the other day from a Sudanese male who drinks and was complaining from a hangover, a female immediately pretended she did not know anything about alcohol or it's effects or even what a hangover was. He immediately branded her a good girl and she followed through with the innocent act.
I stayed very quiet, knowing very well that this particular girl's father was a heavy drinker and she knew very well what a hangover was. I also know that she has never drank in her life and so was curious why she would take such a stance when she has nothing to feel guilty about...
And then it hit me - the fact that she needs to pretend that she doesn't know anything, reinforces the idea that women need to be 'protected' from curiosity. The outcome of women becoming curious is unknown in this culture and therefore the culture collectively fears it.
The men in this culture are under a delusion that women only abstain from things if they are completely unaware of them and therefore they restrict female curiosity from very early on in life - women understand this and feed it by pretending they don't know, to reassure the man - and so we have 'The Good Girl Complex'
It's interesting to say the least.
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