Why Are We Here...

Rethink: Entire Life

Dear Life: I don't want to be here. Why would you put me on the spot like this. We are so not talking. I need a break.

Even though it was in my original plan to move to Sudan for six months anyway... The moment the choice was taken away from me (which it kind of wasn't as I did have the option to stay, but that's besides the point because I would no longer have a home in England)  everything seemed to crumble... Why Sudan...forever.... 'Its where I'm from' - I don't know where I'm from...Why does anyone have to be from anywhere? What makes you from somewhere? Finding yourself there? Being Born there? Looking like those people? Technically the world belongs to whomever made it... So technically, I can be from wherever I feel like... countries are man made aren't they?

Denial:
Ha! Dad always says this, I'm calling his bluff, he can't.. he simply cannot give up a perfectly wonderful life for a very difficult one. nope makes no sense. Haha I knew it! Yep. Right. Who wants tea?

Fast-Forward to September 18th - I graduated Yay!
September 19th - 5pm. On the flight to Khartoum.

Nope he wasn't joking, about anything.

Sudan:

It's hot as hell. Dirty, no one leaves you alone, everyone stares at everything, everyone has something to say about you with no limits, there is absolutely no respect for your time what-so-ever and the internet works when it likes. The power is always out and the water plays up too sometimes...The cold shower option goes hot after 5 seconds of turning it on (which is not nice considering its usually 35-40 degrees C outside) and everyone seems to say 'Oh it never usually cuts out like this!' Which you realize is not true after a while.. its actually seasonal.. when you need the air conditioning the most, yep, summer time, that's when it cuts the most.

And Children - Yes this needs its own paragraph - seem to think it's their business where you go and what you're doing and when you're back.. And they have every right to rummage through your things @##$@#%@!!!!!!!!!. Anyway, I was also undergoing new thoughts about what I wanted to do with my career which made things a bit more confusing...

After two weeks of no internet, moping around and feeling sorry for myself, and crying.. A lot. I decided to see what was out there, in this supposed 'home' country of mine. Our house is quite nice.. a bit big for my liking but.. yeh.. its alright... I lent over to look outside my living room window and saw two tiny little birds chirping.. before I could finish my trance of thoughts about how, 'see, it's not all bad, they're beautiful' the birds started attacking each other... and then there was a power cut immediately after...at this point I just laughed hysterically because honestly, even though compared to England this felt like the worst place ever - There's something about it that makes you unable to get depressed.. you just get on with it... I hadn't realized it at the time, but I'd learned patience.