The Help

I've had enough. This country sucks, seriously, I need structure, this is non-existent! URGH.

Just as a side note, I'm getting really fed up with people asking me whether I'm British or Sudanese. In short I am both and neither.

And frankly for now, that answer will have to do as I refuse to dignify this question with a full post

... yet. 

I don't believe in race more than that it is an adaptational coating to help whoever deal with different climates. Period.

So I decided I would go back to England.. or at least start applying for jobs elsewhere, as there is very little structure here and work is completely informal... I started to look around online and ask people... and obviously the internet stopped working, gently swaying me towards solitude.. and thinking time... 

It's so weird when you start thinking about life, and what the meaning of everything is... what's the point of anything anyway...

That trance of thought always leads to a dead-end so I end up thinking about it this way

Life is the time we are given until we die. The real question is, Am I spending this time wisely? Should I be living now for the future or should I enjoy the present and hope that all that talk about how wasting the present will lead to no future won't apply to me... And does enjoying the present have to be a waste of time?

It seems tricky, I don't know how long I have until I will die. No one knows. But if it were to happen tomorrow, I would want to be happy and at peace with myself... and that can be achieved if I work towards a future goal, or if I lounge around and do nothing ... it's all about my mindset.

Comparatively - Sudan is a difficult place to live because there is very little to do... besides eating out there is really nothing else... specially for a female, everything is so 'Taboo' and it sometimes feels like I'm living in the 1920's.

But... there are little things that make you stay... the truth is I don't feel at 'home' anywhere... I don't feel like there will ever be such a thing as a home country for me, the countries belong to whomever made them, not  to 'who was there first' and I will live wherever I find success and happiness, and I won't feel like a stranger. 

Success means making something of yourself, Sudan is very much a developing country, and making anything here is bound to work because whatever it is, this country is in need of it...In terms of happiness.. I have family and friends and I live a very care free life here... Stress comes from having no stress if that makes sense... probably because I've been conditioned to feel like unless there is stress there is no real achievement...

Also, there is the help. Most of where I live in Sudan the help are Ethiopian. God's gift to Africa. They are probably the most gorgeous looking people ever.

Apparently they're a mixture of Black and Italian and well, we all know how that goes (Alicia Keys, Lauren London..etc) 

Our maid... wow... seriously, the first day she came it was like Cinderella... except I was one of the ugly sisters... And what is so amazing about her is that she genuinely gets offended or feels sad if I do things myself.. like I used to wash my own dishes whenever I got the chance to, so she started waiting for me to finish eating in order to make sure she was the one who washes the dishes...

I leave my room a tip and come back to freshly made sheets and a lovely scent...  and her wonderful face smiling at me...

Seriously, I think I'm in love. And just when I was juggling which lifestyle is better (as well as realizing now that we've met...I cannot live without her) I've decided that if I cannot make the most of what I have, then I'm not spending my time wisely... So that is what I will learn. Regardless of where I am, I must know how to be successful and happy.