Cheating Death at a "Death Cafe"

I'm going to a Death Cafe and I'm actually quite scared.

There, I said it!

I have no idea why, but I find my feelings fascinating. We will never escape death, yet across the cultures that I've experienced in my lifetime the topic has never been brought up without a hint of fear. No one outside of a religious context has ever come back from death to tell us what happens. And of course religion requires 'faith' and 'belief' as its non-falsiable.

I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm guessing we will discuss what we think happens when we die and although no one can be sure of their theories, what I do know is that there are multiple things we do, to reassure ourselves of the inevitable.

The first example I heard growing up was that when we die, we are judged. Depending on how good/bad we were (in accordance with the specific religious content we followed) we either go to heaven, which is basically like earth but we just never die (the apparent ideal human experience) or we go to hell where we burn. Another option is that all of our memories are deleted and we are re-incarnated as a better human being (subjective to what 'better means' could be richer, more influential, more humble etc) or we become an animal, as punishment for our bad deeds.

It's ironic that in one theory the ideal is to be on earth and never die, and the other theory, that is the punishment.

To say the least, we are very confused about what happens after we die, and for that reason, there are things that we do to 'cheat death' during our lifetime.

Have you ever thought about why most people desire children in the future before they're even adults? Why is it a natural desire to want to bring a life into the world? Some people believe that children are an implicit subconscious connection to the world, that through our children we remain immortal - through them, a part of us that remains in the world after we die. It is for the same reason that we donate organs and wish to have memorials instead of funerals...

It is for the same reason that we obsess over maintaining healthy lifestyles and crave approval from other humans, as a way of maintaining a long and happy life... But why do we fear the unknown so much?

Did we fear life before we were born? Why do some people wish to take their own lives? And more importantly, why is it that after so many years and so many cycles of life, we still don't know a single thing about death?

I'll keep you posted after the event.

When your 'home' Culture clashes with your Western Identity

I know, I say this a lot.

And I really can't say its the last time lol.

But!!!

I was so busy working on establishing a youtube channel that blogger kind of slipped my mind a little...

So Youtube is going quite well... although I do have a story to tell you about when it didn't go so well...

As a British Sudanese there is so much that I get wrong in Sudanese culture and I have a lot to learn, but being fluent in Arabic and of a Sudanese ethnicity makes my mistakes far less forgivable to Sudanese people.

Following strong requests from my youtube comments to produce videos in Arabic I decided to try it out... and two videos received a very negative response from the non-english speaking community. One addressed harassment and the other was a story about a vet I met briefly who told me she refused to treat a dog because well... it was a dog.

As you can imagine, a vet refusing to treat an animal puzzled me... I didn't really understand why someone would choose this particular career if they had a prejudice towards animals... It turned out that in Sudan, people use animals for their livelihood and not for any sort of emotional attachment - having a dog was a sign of wealth and the vet saw bringing a dog as a 'show off' gesture. She was accustomed to treating cows and sheep which people use for their livelihoods.

Harassment was also an issue that proved to be very sensitive in the Sudanese community, although many of the comments resorted to insults (very common in any youtube community) there was an underlying belief that addressing the issue was somehow worse than the issue itself. I was called 'galeelat adab' which translates to 'badly mannered' and I decided to investigate the issue further.

After carefully analysing the comments I realised that the issue wasn't so much me, or how I was addressing the issue, it was more the issue itself. In a country where people are starving, earning very little, pressured from every aspect to partake in corruption - harassment is something little see as a real issue. It is a 'rich people problem'. The public was outraged that an issue like this is even being addressed meanwhile other issues like the government and the state of the country were left unspoken about.

As it isn't really possible to speak about the social and economic climate in the country due to the lack of freedom of expression, I decided to stick to English videos for the time being... but these issues highlighted the struggle of growing up between cultures - my western friends wouldn't be able to fathom a vet who refuses to treat a dog, whereas my eastern ones wouldn't fathom a patient bringing in a dog in the first place...

Why do Whites Hate Talking about White Privilege?

 Imagine a conversation that always ends with you being the bad guy.

Always.

When I moved to Sudan, it was the first time I'd ever experienced racial privilege. I am in the ‘right’ race, I am of the ‘right’ complexion I am from the ‘right’ tribe and I have access to everything.

In a nutshell, this is essentially the same thing as ‘White Privilege’, which is identified exclusively to whites because they receive it everywhere in the world, not just in ‘their’ countries.

In reality, privilege is not about the colour of your skin – it’s more related to your people’s ability to market themselves in the best way possible - to as many parts of the world.  The British conquered the world we live in, they won wars against supposed ‘equals’ and then colonized the rest of the known world. They spread their people to lands as far as Australia, New Zealand, America and Canada and built some of the greatest civilizations in recorded history.

History, which they recorded.

Interestingly, colonizing makes the offspring of colonies think highly of you, even though essentially it is just a fancy word for being a bossy, powerful hegemonic immigrant. A person who moves from their land, occupies another with the agenda of taking over and inserting their way of governing (ironically this is what Britain and America fear ‘Muslims’ will do in the west, but they call them terrorists)

And if anyone other than them had written history that is exactly how they would have been remembered – terrorists. To make things a little clearer, I am pro British secular values and anti the current fundamental Sharia Law interpretations, but that doesn't give me the right to force my beliefs on to others because I think my beliefs are ‘superior’.

The colonization allowed these people to have access to unlimited world resources, knowledge, money and power and due to this, whites are able to project any image they like about themselves on a global scale. The entire world sees when whites do good deeds, when the world sees the white house, they don’t see barbaric white history whereby they forced slaves to build it – they see some of the finest white leaders in the world making some of the most powerful and influential decisions – because this is the narrative whites project, and everyone absorbs it.

What people don’t realize is that every race does this, every race talks about the good things in their countries and when a murderer or a thug is broadcast on the news, everyone knows its an exception – the majority of the race isn’t like this and there is always a bad apple. The difference between other races and the white race however – the rest of the world only watches their media, and white media – nothing else.

Arabs watch Arabic news, and White (Western) News

Asians watch Asian news, and White (Western) News

Africans watch African news, and White (Western) News

And Whites, watch White (Western) News

So when whites talk about a ‘black thug’ – all non blacks now see blacks as thugs. When whites talk about ‘extremist Muslims terrorists’ all non Muslims see muslims as terrorists and when whites talk about fanatic church killers – not all whites are seen as racial extremists because they will need to explain to the white public why this happened, so they dig deeper into the story (lone wolf, crazy, psychopath etc.)

The world understands other ethnicities from bias white institutions – institutions that were set by racists who made it impossible for non-whites to ever speak up or be seen as humans with rights.  However when things changed and tolerance became a sign of progression and not weakness – the structures of the media didn't. Non-racists whites and other ethnicities decided that pretending race doesn't exist was the best way to deal with race issues – but pretending not to see the race without amending the structures of the racist institutions doesn’t work, it in fact marginalizes more – just in a new justifiable way. It’s the reason you are so much more likely to get stopped if you’re black driving a fancy car than if you are of any other racial background (the structure of society teaches you implicitly that this achievement is not expected of blacks unless they are thieves or rappers)

The same thing goes in Sudan, I don’t have to worry about not being accepted for jobs because my name indicates my racial/religious origin, I don’t have to worry about renting houses/cars because people assume I will always pay (because of my racial privilege). I don’t have to worry about my children in school being marginalized not just by students but by teachers because they are from the ‘right’ race. I don’t have to concern myself about my ‘race’ being the reason for injustice happening to me – it's a hassle I don't have to deal with.

But what I do have to deal with, are those who hate me because of it. Marginalized minorities who have to work twice as hard to get half of what I have. They will never understand that I see this as unfair too – they will never believe that I see them as equal to me and they will never truly believe that I deserve all that I have… unless I stop enjoying the privileges my racist ancestors provided when they built the blueprint for the way we live today.

The problem with addressing white privilege is that the motive is unclear – do you want whites to suffer like everyone else? Or do you want the privilege too?

We need to take responsibility for the global lengths that  ‘white’ western news travels – and for this reason, western media needs to represent all aspects of everyone living in the west, and not just the whites in the west.

Outside of Britain people find it difficult to accept that you can be anything other than white and British – this needs to change. Everyone deserves to be treated without suspicion, not just whites.  And in order to do this, minorities need to stop assuming that whites who enjoy privilege and hate talking about it are doing so because they think they deserve it and you don’t – and whites need to stop assuming that anyone who talks about white privilege thinks they are racist – we know you are not, but your ancestors were, and they built the blueprint for the world we live in today!

The 'Migrant Crisis' - Why is it a Crisis?

The Refugee crisis in Syria and Afghanistan is now mainstream.

In other words, the refugees are trying to reach countries with a powerful media presence.

Countries in the West.

Refugees have been fleeing Syria for a long time now, with many now residing here in Sudan, nearly fully integrated – married to Sudanese and settled.  Of course the right wing Sudanese newspapers made a little frenzy about this, the same way they did/do with the South Sudanese, (even when we were one country) – right wing will always be right wing, and racists always target the weak to maintain their positions of power.

There is not much of a welfare system here, but the Syrians who moved here got something they didn’t get in Syria – safety. Most of the Syrian refugees I’ve come across that came to Sudan now own businesses running accessory shops or restaurants…  They were clearly doing well in Syria, before the war. 

The war that claimed 250,000 lives and left half of the pre-war population displaced and fleeing.

It was absolutely not the choice of the Syrian people to be in this situation, the same way that it was not the choice of Iraqi’s or Afghans – or if we scratch a little further in history the displaced millions after World War II. This is why they are refugees and not migrants.

Many people ask – why don't they go to Lebanon or Turkey or countries closer to them? (The underlying assumption being that they want Europe because they are lazy ‘cockroaches’ who want to benefit from welfare they don’t deserve)

The short answer is they did, many of them are there – however outside of your own country you are always treated as a second class citizen, and Europe is much more subtle in its discrimination than the Middle East and North Africa and much more compassionate towards those in need. Compassion it can afford – take this example, when the bank crisis happened in the UK, The government gave the banks an amount that would total the GDP of Spain. That was just to bail out the banks. Although you may think that Middle Eastern countries such as Saudi-Arabia, Kuwait and the UAE are wealthy (rich with oil), the GDP of Spain is no where near the amount that these countries make – it exceeds them massively.

Europe is extremely wealthy, to the point where when you take the total income of the world – you can see that Europe and North America are the only two continents where the total world population is exceeded (disproportionally) by the wealth. Take a look at this graph.

This was in the year 2000, this year the UN published a report stating that the richest 1% of the world owns 40% of the world’s wealth.

In terms of wealth, we can absolutely afford to take in and help out these refugees and in terms of helping out – it is very unlikely that Europeans don’t want to help out.

I think the driving force behind most of the media’s frenzies is clear - the fear of lack of integration. 

The fear of investing in a foreign force that will later turn against you. We have seen in many European countries media stories about communities of people who simply refuse to integrate - but why is this? And is this as big a problem as we think it is?

TBC.

Why did you Rape her? A Former Rapist Explains his Motives

During my final year of studying at university I conducted research on women’s health and beauty norms.  The research overlapped with eating disorders and along with most people, I thought these were mental health problems caused by the desire to look ‘thin’. I was informed that nearly exclusively, all the women who suffered from eating disorders (including the late princess Diana who suffered from bulimia) shared one desire.

The desire for control over their lives. I was just as shocked later on in my life when I discovered rape was a crime of power and not lust.

An article published on the Telegraph (UK) by the writer Nisha Lilia Diu gripped me. She spoke about rape, from the perspective of a remorseful former rapist.  I highly recommend you read this article - I will link it below.

Is there really such thing as a remorseful rapist? As societies we often struggle with this topic, blaming the woman has been a very long tradition in most countries in the world and as much as we know rape is the fault of the rapist and only the rapist we struggle even in the most progressive societies to come up with a solution.

In the west we are so adamant to steer away from previous beliefs about it being the fault of the victim that we steer in the opposite direction and completely fail to humanize a rapist, out of fear of returning to ‘backward’ thinking. Although returning to old thinking about the victim being to blame would be an immense move in the wrong direction, not thinking about or throwing rapists in prison and releasing them after 18 months usually does nothing to the rapist except prevent them from offending for 18 months – They go back to it upon release, in most cases.

The article revealed some interesting findings; just by speaking to a former rapist we can begin to understand that rape, unlike many other crimes is committed across occupations and socio-economic class. It is a crime of power and not ‘about what she was wearing’ but more, how vulnerable she was. By neglecting the real reason rape occurs we have marginalized other groups who are susceptible to being raped such as young boys, the disabled and the vulnerable. Rapists often come from a history of sexual assault during childhood but perhaps the most shocking thing to me was that it has been linked to witnessing violence towards women… domestic violence.

The ex rapist whom the article refers to with the pseudonym ‘John’ revealed some very deep and thought provoking information. In his case, stress was a majorly contributing factor to when he was likely to rape, he felt no guilt at the time and believes the cycle began early, when he was just 15 years old. He experienced sexual abuse as a child and perhaps from this we can deduct where the need for power comes from – the rejection of being a victim.

During his prison sentence John received therapy in the form of ‘Sex offender treatment programs’ (SOTP), which surprisingly helped him realize the impact of his crimes.

It wasn’t his stay in prison that helped him, it was the therapy.

Although John struggles to trust himself, he understands that the world sees him as a monster – a very strong motive to want to return to prison.  After reading the full article I began to understand rape in a different way. The victim is left broken, abused and mortified. The rapist doesn’t usually care enough to remember her. They are thinking in a completely different way – there is nothing you can wear or do to stop a rapist from raping you if they are ever given the chance to. 

But as a society, we have been so fixated on advising women on how to ‘not get raped’ instead of dealing in a sufficient manor with those doing the raping. This is a cycle, sexual abuse coupled with neglect and early childhood trauma – no one is born a rapist.

Before anyone develops a sense of nostalgia towards rapists I would like to remind them that during the time of the rape, rapists are nothing less than mindless monsters – the childhood traumas are not an excuse, they are a suggested reason, and reason will help us figure out how to deal with it, and hopefully prevent it all together. Throwing rapists in prison doesn’t stop them from re-offending when they get out, and sadly, only those whose sentences are over three years will have access to (SOTP).

In order to stop rape from happening, we need to first learn the motive – only then can we start prevention.

 Article: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11720655/Sex-offender-Why-I-became-one-and-started-raping-women.html

Dear Young Woman, Before Society Starts to Talk to You, Read This.

Hi Blogger

I recently made a video calling out some of the ridiculous ‘beauty’ norms that we have in the west, east and everywhere inbetween frankly. As we previously discussed, beauty is directly related to the country perceived by the world as the most advanced (this perception of beauty is of course not natural, and requires years of colonialism and forceful persuasion by the ‘dominant’ race on its colonies.)

 This is why typically beautiful features are usually European or attainable by Europeans only. 

See this photo from an Indian children’s book teaching children English. As you can see this brainwashing starts very young.

If you have the time, you can watch the vlog below, I would enjoy your input.

Inspired by this theme of talking to my younger self, I decided to dedicate today’s blog to women. I’d like to give advice to young women around the world about life which I have picked up along the way.

1.     You will be judged by the way you look more than anything else you do. Don’t bother thinking about this – do not listen to advice about dressing how you want to be perceived… this advice will lead you down a dodgy path which you will inevitably regret. Be you, if you don't know who you are yet, try out whatever you want until you find it, and own it.

2.     You are born with a need and desire to help people you love, and give as much of yourself as possible – the media exploits this need massively by feeding you fruitless advice, and then telling you what to do when their advice doesn't work. It’s not that they mean to ruin your life, its simply that the people writing the articles are often inexperienced and going on stereotypes and the need to pay bills, so they write with the hope to sell, not to help you. Don’t ask online why ‘he won’t text back’  - ask him. And if you’re scared of how that will make him feel about you – think about how much he cares about how him not texting YOU back makes you feel.

3.     When a woman is raped, in every country in the world there will be people who ask, what was she wearing? What was the time? And who was she with? – This is because we live in a man’s world. Men are never blamed without an explanation being offered. Ignore this. Remember this - Rape is the fault of the woman when she is raping. Rape is the fault of the man when he is raping.

4.     In relationships, again because we live in a man’s world (a world where men are the center from which we judge the norms) women are depicted as ‘emotional’ which is a positive thing, but the world says this is negative. Ignore them, and be as emotional as you want.

5.     Due to feminism and gender equality, countries like Sweden and Norway are very sexually liberal and have the same expectations and rewards for both women and men. This is wonderful, but it also demonstrates how we live in a man dominated society. Gender equality is perceived as ‘Woman can do all the things men can do, too” in reality, women don't want to be men. We enjoy other things too, but society thinks men are really great, and the best reward a woman can receive is to be allowed to be like a man. Ignore this, and be whatever you feel like. The point in gender equality is providing choice.

6.     When people tell you ‘you’re the man in your relationship’ they mean you are the strong great ‘non emotional’ one. When they say to a man ‘you’re the woman’ they mean you’re the pathetic emotional one. Being emotional makes a man pathetic, being emotional makes a woman normal … do you see where this is going? (it’s acceptable for women to be ‘pathetic and weak’ but not for men, the same way its acceptable for children to scream and cry but not for adults, why? Because adults know better, and so do men) This is patronizing, I know, its difficult to get to grips with – but that's how the world is, so try not to feed it by being ‘less emotional’ emotions are a wonderful thing, they are not pathetic – they are the reason YOU are the one who carries life into this world for nine months and YOU are the one who breastfeeds and YOU are the one who loves unconditionally.

7.      When dating, be frank, upfront and honest. Talk to the man from day one about what you want. The world demands that you tip-toe around men and wait until they are comfortable and not bring up things that you want like marriage/security/monogamy etc. Bring up what you want, be frank and it will save you a lot of time, and relieve you of many men who do not want the same things but may be otherwise compatible with you.

8.     You are a giver, men are takers. This is fed by society massively. It’s not only men who reinforce the ‘man’s’ world. Its mostly women. Women who defend the double standards in men’s rights ‘as long as men take care and marry obedient women like ‘them’.  Whatever you do, DO NOT become one of these women.

9.     Although western countries claim they have gender equality, women like J.K Rowling and Oprah Winfrey speak often about how sexism is far bigger than racism or any other prejudice when you climb up the ladder. Climb anyway – it wont last long if many women make it.

10.  Although in Eastern countries they claim that traditional gender roles are tied to religious obedience, they are not. They are tied to cultural norms and political advantages. You will find that you can challenge them using their own scriptures. You don't have to abandon your beliefs to achieve equality, God doesn't see you as inferior, politics and culture wants you to be, so stand up for your rights.

11.  In western countries there is a phenomenon known as ‘Resting Bitchy Face’ this is where a woman is expected to be smiling all the time so that she is not called a bitch. Frown and cry whenever you want to, and let everyone get used to it.

12.  In the east women who smile are seen as promiscuous, and sexually inviting. Be careful who you smile at, but remember, you have the right to smile or frown as a reflection of how you feel – don't put yourself in a position of danger, but campaign to change things that infringe your rights.

13. In the west if a man cheats on you, you are expected to walk out, and start over – you should respect yourself and leave him. People will judge you if you stay. Don’t concern yourself with this. If you feel that this is what you want to do, do it. If not, stay with him and work things out. Stay because YOU want to, not for the kids or because you’re used to him. The world says you wont find anyone, - women who have left beg to differ.

14. In the east if a man cheats on you, you are expected to stay with him, he only cheated because you are ‘not enough’ ‘not giving enough’ ‘being too nice’ ‘being too distant’ or … because he’s a man and it’s the other woman’s fault. You should think about your children and him and your family and society – never ever think about you. If you want to leave him, LEAVE. People will try to make you feel bad – ignore them, they are more concerned about maintaining sexist norms that will keep this cycle of hypocrisy alive than your children and your happiness.

15. If you want to be respected in the west, you have to be a working woman. If you want emotional satisfaction (in most women, not all) you will want a family and children. Gender equality means women can do what men do – not men do what ‘women’ have and still do, so don't delude yourself, you are expected to take care of domestics as well as work. Don’t buy into this. The real meaning of gender equality is that we are both equally valued. Find a man who respects and SHARES, not just ‘helps out’ with domestics.

16. If you feel like feminism is wrong, and we should be promoting ‘gender equality’ instead – my darling you have been sadly deluded into believing that the world sees men and women as equal. Remember, men have always had rights, and it was during a time where sexism was the norm when men created the blueprint for the world we live in today. Therefore cultural, political and societal norms back up sexism against women – making it harder for us to have rights, let alone stand up for them. Although sexism against men does exist, it is not as institutionally accepted as sexism against women. Don’t forget this.

17. And finally. Sexual liberation means men and women can enjoy relations without commitment or fear of judgment in many countries. This is something men have been enjoying for a very long time, and only recently women are ‘enjoying’ this too.  If you don’t enjoy this – don't do it. There is nothing wrong with you, this was, for a very long time how men enjoyed themselves. Women traditionally like to be loved emotionally more and enjoyed physical relations when they were emotionally attached. Imagine a world where men were allowed to be emotional without being judged or looked down upon – you could probably be emotionally loving to many men without getting attached, but they would be hurt eventually by this as this is not how they traditionally enjoy themselves. The same principle applies in reverse. One of the worst things society does to you as a woman is that it makes you dislike things about you, things that if you changed would make men happier, don’t change anything you don't want to change, and embrace who you are - you are great.