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So Hotmail has decided to have plastic surgery, change its colour to blue and its name to Outlook.

When the hell did all of this even happen?

I feel so behind...

Dear Life: I thought we had a deal that as long as you don't issue me with the flu virus again I would stop complaining? What happened to that deal?

Dear Reader: It doesn't matter who or where you are, I have made a major discovery and you must try this. Seriously

I remember when I first came to Sudan I was completely astonished by one thing that people did. A typical household here houses a lot of people, as this is very much a collectivist culture, people generally live with their external families nearby or even in the same household and so it is often the case that the house would be full of life and noise.

 At around 2pm however, the house would fall dead silent.  No children, no kitchen fan, no television background noise, not even a cat meowing... and it needn't matter what day it was, everyone would be sound asleep.

At first I found this really hilarious... It was like a game to me... I simply couldn't fathom it... Why on earth would anyone waste 2-3 perfectly good daylight hours sleeping? Its beyond silly!

That was until I tried it.

Converted.

It feels like heaven. I don't know whether it's the heat, early starts at work, or just the slow pace of this nation but my god sleeping in the afternoon is the best thing I have ever learned from Sudan. I've realized that sleep also cures lots of other things, like anger or sadness, hell now I sleep at any given moment

Happy - Sleep

Sad - Sleep

Tired - Sleep

Bored - Sleep

Scared - Sleep

Anxious - Sleep

Hungry... - Haha no not quite this one...

But to restore the body and mind to normal function I really have found that this works! And the funny thing is, it's not just people, all the cats and dogs in the street they all sleep too... its almost like when your phone is acting up, so you turn it off for a while, then it works again..

Anyway.. I've been feeling pretty poorly this week with the flu and have been feeling completely sorry for myself... I actually miss work... I decided to prank my boss which was quite funny... haha

Anyhow, From now on, I will be introducing a new discussion forum on my facebook page. I will provide the links as soon as I get them but for now, Here is my facebook , so subscribe, leave your comments and join in the debates!

Later today I should be posting an interesting article about the supposed skin colour hierarchy in Sudan, following a controversial advertisement that was posted yesterday specifying a 'skin colour' preference for a job vacancy on the local Sudanese paper

http://www.facebook.com/hind.elhaj.7

The Help

I've had enough. This country sucks, seriously, I need structure, this is non-existent! URGH.

Just as a side note, I'm getting really fed up with people asking me whether I'm British or Sudanese. In short I am both and neither.

And frankly for now, that answer will have to do as I refuse to dignify this question with a full post

... yet. 

I don't believe in race more than that it is an adaptational coating to help whoever deal with different climates. Period.

So I decided I would go back to England.. or at least start applying for jobs elsewhere, as there is very little structure here and work is completely informal... I started to look around online and ask people... and obviously the internet stopped working, gently swaying me towards solitude.. and thinking time... 

It's so weird when you start thinking about life, and what the meaning of everything is... what's the point of anything anyway...

That trance of thought always leads to a dead-end so I end up thinking about it this way

Life is the time we are given until we die. The real question is, Am I spending this time wisely? Should I be living now for the future or should I enjoy the present and hope that all that talk about how wasting the present will lead to no future won't apply to me... And does enjoying the present have to be a waste of time?

It seems tricky, I don't know how long I have until I will die. No one knows. But if it were to happen tomorrow, I would want to be happy and at peace with myself... and that can be achieved if I work towards a future goal, or if I lounge around and do nothing ... it's all about my mindset.

Comparatively - Sudan is a difficult place to live because there is very little to do... besides eating out there is really nothing else... specially for a female, everything is so 'Taboo' and it sometimes feels like I'm living in the 1920's.

But... there are little things that make you stay... the truth is I don't feel at 'home' anywhere... I don't feel like there will ever be such a thing as a home country for me, the countries belong to whomever made them, not  to 'who was there first' and I will live wherever I find success and happiness, and I won't feel like a stranger. 

Success means making something of yourself, Sudan is very much a developing country, and making anything here is bound to work because whatever it is, this country is in need of it...In terms of happiness.. I have family and friends and I live a very care free life here... Stress comes from having no stress if that makes sense... probably because I've been conditioned to feel like unless there is stress there is no real achievement...

Also, there is the help. Most of where I live in Sudan the help are Ethiopian. God's gift to Africa. They are probably the most gorgeous looking people ever.

Apparently they're a mixture of Black and Italian and well, we all know how that goes (Alicia Keys, Lauren London..etc) 

Our maid... wow... seriously, the first day she came it was like Cinderella... except I was one of the ugly sisters... And what is so amazing about her is that she genuinely gets offended or feels sad if I do things myself.. like I used to wash my own dishes whenever I got the chance to, so she started waiting for me to finish eating in order to make sure she was the one who washes the dishes...

I leave my room a tip and come back to freshly made sheets and a lovely scent...  and her wonderful face smiling at me...

Seriously, I think I'm in love. And just when I was juggling which lifestyle is better (as well as realizing now that we've met...I cannot live without her) I've decided that if I cannot make the most of what I have, then I'm not spending my time wisely... So that is what I will learn. Regardless of where I am, I must know how to be successful and happy.

Relationships

The other day our office printer decided it won't print for me as it 'No longer recognizes my device'...

That's a bit harsh isn't printer... Kind of hurt my feelings a bit...I mean... we have been together for about 5 months now... u suddenly 'don't know me anymore'....

Dear Life: Lets talk about relationships.

Its almost a sin for a female to be single here... and that really sucks... big time.

And by single that pretty much means unmarried. Everyone wants you to get married, as soon as you finish Uni, thats it.. May the nagging commerce!!

And if you have a boyfriend, but your not married for whatever reason (not enough money, still getting know each other, want to wait a bit) That is complete non-sense. You can get to know each other after your married! Also, they will be encouraging you to keep your options open, look elsewhere.. find a better deal!! <- LOL. God this makes me laugh everytime...

When it comes to relationships.. there is a very different appraoach... Love is like the icing on the cake... it is not the reason people get married, it helps no doubt, but marriage is seen as more, two people, wanting to commit.. they love each other, but they are very aware of many things that in the west are not really mentioned..

An example can be in their outlook.. They know their marriage will last, because they will make it last, regardless of the circumstances - they are also aware that their love for each other will change, and it will become more like a habit or a routine... In the west this seems more like when a marriage is no longer functioning .. but here its is regarded as a normal step in a long term marriage...

When it comes to relationships, they are mostly all serious. People talk about marriage from the first date (ha ha ha... imagine doing that in England!) whether they end up in a marriage or not however is irrelevant.

As a female, between the age of 16-19, you get banter from your immediate family, they joke about it...

20+, it becomes the main topic everyone talks to you about, until your marriage date - And by everyone I mean your aunts, uncles, married friends, parents, grandma, grandpa, friends at work, friends of your family at work who heard the news (Being single is almost like being sick.. we need to fix it!)

The Advise:

When are you getting married?
Why aren't you married?
You need to start looking prettier
I know a really amazing guy from a wonderful family!
You're too thin...
This cream will make your skin amazing (Probably make your skin lighter)
You know, your fertilitaty is a ticking clock.

Then when they realise your happy single... They pronounce you brainwashed by western influence.. because no woman in her right mind wants to be single... and a new approach is introduced.

You become the experiment / their research project

So.. what do you think about men?
 'They're ok.. I don't think much about them...'

Are you affraid of them?
'I wouldn't say I am'

Do you think men and women should be the same? As in you want to dominate?
'I think equality is a good thing'

Do you have to be the one to propose to a man?'
'I don't think it matters..'

Right.. So.. do you think that you're young?
'Umm.. I'm in my twenties..'

So you think that marriage is a bad thing?
'No, I just think that if it happens it happens'

*GASPS*
IF?!!?!?!

Conclusion:
You're completely deluded, anti-men, workaholic (work driven only) don't want or value children and want to be the dominating one in everything. You have a complex.

Required Action:
They must help you, and teach you not to be those things you defiantly are.

And the funny thing is, they already concluded this before asking you any questions... that's it... you are crazy.. and they must must must help you - Because if they don't, you will waste your life on silly things and regret not having children and a husband. and That. Is. That.

The Female Complex Perks

Right. So.

I'm a bit late in posting.

Totally did that on purpose. 

My shoe fell off today..

I really believe feet get smaller at some point...

Line number 3 was a lie.

Dear Life: Can't quite believe I have people from over 15 countries reading my blog... and I've covered all the continents... wow.. Thanks everyone :)

So... Recap: I was brought back to Sudan. Cried about it. Got over it. Got on with it. Then wrote about it.

What happens now?

As many graduates from non-medical fields would tell you... after the hype of graduation...we get a dose of what I like to call the 'graduate blues'

Goes a bit like this: 

Why the hell did I waste all that money at Uni?! I didn't even need this..  This was the wrong degree! what the hell..  I need to do a masters...there are NO jobs... I need to do a diploma... What do I want to do with my life?? This is too much! I don't even know if I want these jobs I'm being rejected for anyway! I'm so sad.. I'm so happy! Everything is great... Omg everything sucks.. I don't know how I feel...*Cries*

Then there's those random dumb moments where you rose tint the most horrible memories to make them seem like they were so amazing, like your ex.. and how 'happy' you were.. breaking up was a mistake (even though it completely wasn't)... and how school was so care free back in the day.. (even though you probably didn't like it when you were there) 

I remember actually wanting a child at some point.. then I decided a cat would be better LOL

It's kind of like a bi-polar love-hate relationship where you like yourself for being a free spirit and not wanting to be tied down by some kind of soul draining occupation... but also feeling like you are entirely useless because you should have a job. A good graduate job.

 In Sudan there is less pressure on women. They don't have to have a job... They have a choice - you want to work - cool, you don't, don't worry! Someone will come and marry you anyway. He will take care of your finances and you will take care of the domestics. So they tend to either work any job until they get married, or just hang out until they get married... <- don't get me wrong, a lot of women work serious jobs, it's just not expected of them. 

At my particular job I am the only female. It's kind of nice... there is definitely discrimination - but not in the way you would expect  - Being female kind of means everyone feels the need to 'take care' of you... At first this used to infuriate me.. I took it as them genuinely believing that I was in some way intellectually inferior. Then I realized... Yes... they do think that... but ... I know I'm not... and frankly I'm getting a lot of annoying jobs done on my behalf... so... works for me...

For example there is the 'pay' complex, where because your female, they have to pay for all of your food when you eat out.. (tbh I couldn't deal with this one, felt a bit bad, so I taught them the English style) But it's a positive nonetheless! Then there is the never having to deal with anything that requires patience/ effort.. eg: Never having to wait in line for anything... never being yelled at even if you mess everything up...

A key difference is that in England men and women are treated the same. In Sudan, men and women are assigned different roles, and treated accordingly. It's interesting to say the least... and I'm loving the perks.. :)

God Bless the Animals

Look how cute that dog is! Aww its a Labrador.. and look! the other one.. its a Golden retriever oh my goodness they are just the swee.. WOOF..GROWL..CHASE..RUN!!

Dear Life: In Sudan Animals are evil.

Period

You remember how in England dogs can't wait to lick you and hug you and play! They get so happy when they see you or someone new and they love it when you take them for walks... And do you remember those foreigners (predominantly from the Middle East, North Africa or Asia) who freak out when they see your dog... and you always think what the hell...how can anyone be scared of such a gentle loyal creature...

Yeh.. Well this is why.

Here, animals roam around as freely as the people.The culture is too social for people to get attached to their animals and so very few people use dogs as anything other than guard dogs - Also cats are here predominantly to make sure there's no mouse in the house. This means that animals are not taken care of, and are wild - so when you walk down a dark ally, you're more affraid of being chased by a dog or bitten by one then anything else!

But there's a trick with dogs... If you lean down and pretend to pick up a rock the dogs gets it... he'll stop... turn around.. and run away...

You see, cats are just cats, they're the same everywhere, and the dogs are just like, well.. crazy... There's also stray lambs and sheep about.. but they're harmless...

But there's another thing.. the thing that is all over Sudan... ready to ruin your day... your food, your work... The thing you lock your doors from... and HATE...

Yes.. its called the 'Dobana' - This fly holds a bachelors degree in 'Human Irritation' And its not just a random fly that flies around.. no no no...

If your trying to sleep anytime after 9am it will come and land on your eyelash... your lip.. the tip of your nose... buzz around.. if you're eating it will decide to eat with you..(it digests extracellularly) And if you're drinking tea or coffee or juice and it can't drink some.. it will plonck itself in the middle of your drink.. and die..yes..it will sacrifice its life to ensure you don't enjoy your drink.

You might think, shoo it away? It comes back... to the exact same spot... kill it? It breeds faster than anything you can imagine.. and they come in large numbers... eventually you stop noticing it <-- haha thats a complete lie you don't, you just get over it.

Delayed Response.

God its hot. Uff. Really really hot.. its really hard to be productive when its like this...

Dear Life: It took me 5 minutes to shove everything in those couple of bags under my bed when those guests decided to come over. Why doesn't it take the same amount of time to find my stuff. This makes no sense.

 When people come over you have to say hi. That means go out, shake everyone's hand, sit, talk to them, provide them with a drink, then tea with cookies and what-not... and no, they don't call you beforehand to let you know that they are coming.. so the entire idea of being home in your pajamas all day is completely out of the question. You must look presentable at all times of the day.

Also the idea of being 'alone' is completely bizarre. Only crazy people have 'me' time. You cannot sit in any room, forget about 'your' room for more than 20 minutes without someone coming in, or banging on the door (if its locked) to come and see what your doing, what your up to... hang out...

Its a very invasive culture... if you dare.. tell people about your problems... wow...

They will involve themselves SO much in your life, and literally force you to do what they tell you because its right and they know whats best and this is what you should do!!! There's no such thing as 'I think you should do this, but its up to you'. Its more like 'You must do this! Yes! Let me help you.. does the thing for you, without your consent - and this is in everything, even in your marriage, they will go and talk to your partner for you, if your wife is sick they will tell you where to go regardless of your budget (and a lot of the time they have no idea what they're talking about, so you're basically being lead into a trap) - but you can't get angry because they mean well...

Another example of this is time. Oh time.

Its 11am the previous day - 'Hi Mr X, I would like to order a taxi for 3:00pm sharp Tomorrow. Can you do that?

'Absolutley I can!'

'Are you sure? Can I count on you, because I have a plane ride, and I needn't miss my plane!'

'Yes! 3 sharp, done'

'So how much will that be'

'Don't worry about that sunshine!, we'll talk about that later'


3pm.. no sight, 3:10, doesnt pick up phone, 3:30, phone is switched off...

5pm (On the plane) Hi! So, where did you say your house was?

You might think this is outrageous... but I've come to realize that its kindness.. they don't want to say no... that's all it comes down to. They feel like saying no is much worse than ruining your plans... and so you can't get angry... because again.. they mean well

Adapting to this was very difficult for me, I used to get really upset because in England this would never ever ever happen... but.. now I'm kinda used to it - and to be honest, now i book a cab for 6:30 and I start getting ready at 7, because I know it won't be here till 8:30!

There Just Has to be a C....

Background: I'm really hungry. I didn't have supper last night either and it looks like I will be having a late lunch, as my usual lunch companion is off work with the flu.

Dear Life: Lets get on with it.


While we're on the subject of food, you might find this quite interesting. The food here is much better than the food in England. Its not about it being 'fresh' and 'natural' or something, its just better. Tastes really good.

Food is also given a very high status, the entire culture of 'Coffee on the go' or a sandwich on the tube (not that there are tubes, just saying if there were) would be so bizarre here. Food is respected, and sat down for, and prepared meticulously. As is in England it is divided into 3 stages - breakfast, lunch and dinner, however early in the morning, people have tea with something, (bread or biscuits). Then between 11:30-12:30 its lunch... also known as 'Fatoor'. This is probably the most fussed about phenomanon ever.

At work its the most important thing - never mind your clients! Fatooooooooooooooooooooor tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime everyone, break. (there are no set breaks at work, just go with the flow! but that will be discussed in an entirely different post)

And dinner is just, the same, dinner.

Not eating is a matter of concern, and people think there is something wrong with you... You see, in Sudan, being thin = being ugly. Not eating = feeling hungry or it means your ill/sick.  so everyone worries and makes a massive fuss, which makes you eat even when your not hungry, just to avoid the fuss! Opening the fridge and grabbing a snack is simply not possible because food here comes in meals, so you have to sit, and give food respect. Its quite nice because it means you always eat with everyone, and you're never in a rush to eat and go...makes for a very chilled out, relaxed pace of life.

With reference to the title of this post, - yes. There always has to be a C... anyone who has lived in Sudan will tell you, no matter where you go out, no matter how fancy the place, if you eat outside, you will be accompanied. You sit around the table, with all of your friends/family/co-workers, and just as your about to start eating something grabs your leg from under then table...

'Meeeaaaaaaaaaaaooow'

There will always be a cat. I am yet to experience an exception. This was me yesterday having coffee with a client at Barista and yes, my companion... It's not accurate to say you get used to it, but like most things in Sudan, you just get over it